Exclusive | Wánxiào invents FOS Rapid Alloy that will revolutionize the global smartphone market by providing instant physical handset upgrades

In an exclusive interview with an anonymous source familiar with the subject and in the know, Notebookcheck has discovered that a previously unknown Chinese technology company, which has now been deemed a “Wolpertinger” (a startup company worth US$1 trillion, so much rarer than a unicorn) by market analysts, has created a revolutionary product known as FOS Rapid Alloy. We have printed excerpts of the interview below:

NBC: Thank you for your time. Could you explain to our readers the design and manufacturing process of FOS Rapid Alloy?

Wánxiào source: No.

Fortunately, whilst our source wasn’t looking, we were able to take some photographs of datasheets that revealed exactly what FOS Rapid Alloy is. The material is similar to the wonder polymer that could provide smartphones with self-healing displays, but this organic mixture of metals goes much further than simply repairing a scratch on the screen. Apparently, this miraculous concoction only needs to receive a particular signal, an electrical connection, and a software update and it will instantly mold itself into your new upgraded handset.

Remember all those times you finally splashed out on a new smartphone, just for the same manufacturer to release a successor model almost straightaway that had much better features? Well thanks to FOS Rapid Alloy your future Xiaomi Mini Mi 4 or Sony Xpurgate 1 will instantly become a Xiaomi Mini Mi 5 or Sony Xpurgate 2 and save you a trip to the store. All you have to do is set the smartphone in the Wánxiào-customized “cradle” and let the alloy organize itself into a new state.

Wánxiào expects the major smartphone OEMs will eventually become subscription-based businesses, allowing users to decide when they want to receive their latest upgrade to their FOS Rapid Alloy-wrapped gadget. According to the papers we saw, almost every brand is on board, although apparently Apple wants to wait a couple of years to see if it can do it better. With this astonishing revelation, we wrapped up the interview:

NBC: Once again, thank you so much for sharing this incredible news with us.

Wánxiào source: Please stop leaning over my table and taking selfies.

This is not a joke; this is FOS Rapid Alloy.