A few months ago, I published the editorial Battery Shops in Lesotho. Due to several requests, here is now a continuation and, once again, I can fall back on a vast amount of mails that had better never been sent via our contact form.

„what are the recormended vedio card sound cards for the following motherboard; ecs a780gm-a v1.0 socket am2+ atx motherboard,amd780g chipset,supports am2+ cpu, dual ddr2 1066,sata 3.0gb/s raid, pci-e 2.0,w/ati radeon hd3200,gb lan, 8_ch audio.“
Well, there are certainly no technical terms contained, so this isn't really a technical inquiry, or?

„mY AMILO CHARGER IS FROM DELTA ELECTRONICS. IT IS NOT WORKING AT 127 V 60 HZ ( BRAZIL) in latvia 220 v 50 hz it is work ( charge) At the charger tag is universal charging data from 100 to 240 v 50|60 hz. to how complain?“
„To how complain?“ - At least not by us, please.

„i have laptop sony VGN-FE31M i want use the camra vor vadio and i can'nt what i can do?“
…hmm, ask our competitors instead of us - but he's probably sending it as a group mail, anyway.

„Hi guys. Love your site the info for a pea brain like me is invaluable.
I know you wont give techical advice but I dont consider my question as technical so I hope you can help me.
I want to upgrade my laptop with a better graphics card but the advice I have been given has been very conflicting.
My laptop is the Aspire 6930G 16-inch Laptop, Intel Core 2 Duo T5800, Vista Home Premium, 3GB RAM, 250GB HDD, Nvidia GeForce 9300 GS 256MB, Blu-ray Drive and I want to install a Video Editing Suite and run the occasional high end games. I hope you can advise me! Please?“
"I know you wont give technical advice" Yup, up to the second line he's on the right path. "but I don’t consider my question as technical"… good gracious, the wrong conclusion in the end. What would then be "technical"? – Instructions for building a fast incubator based on weapons-grade plutonium?

„My Travelmate 5720 is frozen..it will not power off! The power button won't work...help!“
Dear goodness, this reminds me of my Zepto laptop, which broke a few weeks ago. But I didn't ask for help randomly, instead I contacted the manufacturer support. I thought that the appropriate approach for trouble shooting. But it's just easily possible that the Zepto support drives me so mad that I erratically call out for help…

„My ACER have some a problem with keyboard some key doesn t work.And i buy a bomb spray for keyboard how can i proceed.Please re me asap“
As long as he doesn't buy a real bomb…

„Dear sir/ma
I bought an acer extensa 5220 and i want to reload it to window Xp but its not loading and i dont know why its only windo vista that is loading please i will be grateful if you can get back to me so i can resolve this problem. hope to hear from u soon. Thanks.“
"loading" sounds as if he wants to boot XP without resetting the computer in order to get rid of Vista -> mission impossible.

„Dear colleagues
I would be grateful to you for sending the pdf file of user's manual of the portable computer Medion MIM2280 Notebook PC bought by my daughter in France on 2007-2008 and offered to me without the manual. In fact, I have somme difficulties to use the special functions (activated with the blue key Fn) and I could not find it in the Help Desk. So, I need your help because I have to use all the key-functions during my teaching taskes at the University of Tizi-Ouzou, especially when I utilize other monitors and projectors (data showers). I have found your references in your website as follows:
MEDION AG
[complete address]
Indeed, I could not phone neither send safely a fax to you from Algeria.
I thank you so much by advance.
Danke Sehr und Auf Wiedersehen!
Ich sprechen nicht viel Deutsch ... Ich habe fergessen“
What's that supposed to mean? He has found "our references" on "our" website via the Medion address? In-between he writes that he is a doctor and reveals private details. I hope for this stricken country that not all Algerian doctors are so confused…  (Translation of the last part: "Thanks very much and good bye. I don't speak much German … I've forgotten").

„I have a refurbished acer aspire 7520G laptop. I did not get a users manul with it, I do not understand all of the keyboard. I tried to type in an email address, and the @ would not work. I am not sure I was doing it properly. Can you email instructions for the keyboard please. Thank you.“
How should we know, which keyboard layout she has bought? And why should we be familiar with foreign keyboard configurations? And why doesn't she simply look at the keyboard she has bought? And why doesn't she recognize the "at" sign as such if she types it and it is shown?

„have a Inspiron 9100 with an ATI Mobility Radeon 9700 AGP (128MB) video card and I woudl like to upgrade it. I believe I can upgrade to a ATI Mobility 9800 ( 256MB ) card, is that correct? Also, is there a better/newer card that I could go with for gaming? Maybe a different manufacture, that would also work with this laptop? Sincerely,“
Well, as to the better graphic card, he only has to take a look at our graphic card comparison. And, of course, I have to ask myself as always, why this isn't a technical question?

„nb200 porque se agota la bateria estando apagado. Gracias“
Translation: "nb200, why does the battery discharge in a deactivated state. Thanks". Obviously, he hasn't had much experience with batteries and rechargeable batteries in his life…

„Buenas noches acabo de adquirir una lapto lenovo sl 400, y me gustaria estar actualizado ya que en algun momento debo formatear.“
Translation: "Good evening, I have bought a Lenovo sl 400 laptop and want to update it and format it simultaneously." – Well, then do it … or was that supposed to be a question?

„Hallo, ik probeer met mijn laptop MD 96850, te skypen maar dat lukt niet, deze geeft telkens een foutmelding met het geluid. Wil U me laten weten hoe ik dit kan verhelpen. Hartelijk dank.“
Free, analogous translation: "Hello, I am trying to skype with my laptop, but it's not working because of error messages. Let me know how to fix this. Many thanks." Even if I wanted to help, it would be a classic case of an entirely insufficient error report that doesn't allow for an intelligent long distance diagnosis.

Well, many people don't believe it, but we are really serious about not providing technical support via mail. That's why I always send a polite reply to the kind of inquiries as above that we, unfortunately, aren't able to provide any technical support via mail and receive far too many inquiries of this type. In response to this, I received a message in font size 30 (that is as big as 3 normal sentences and every letter has a 3 mm thick bar) and bold from a Brazilian, in a (for me) very difficult to decipher Brazilian slang:

„Então fecha essa bosta de site que não serve pra nada então !!!“
Translation: "Then this cowpat website isn't useful for anything!!!"
I will answer courteously: thank you…

PRECISA DE UN TECNICO VOSSO ME VISSE O CUMPUTADOR POIS EAT TODO DESCONFIGURADO, E A NET NAO ARRANCA E ESTOU FARTO DE GASTAR DINEIRI EM FELEFONEMAS EM DIAGNOSTICOS PORRA CUSTOUME DINHEIRO“
Shortend translation: "He needs a technician for a not closer stated computer problem and is sick and tired of having to pay money for a telephone diagnosis." Okay. I understand that, but, for me, it doesn't exactly sound exciting to send technicians to far-away countries for free in order to help frustrated users solve vague problems.

Furthermore, a Brazilian sent me three mails successively. It would, however, be too much to quote all of them here. His problem was that he couldn't configure his internet and hence, wanted a technician from us who would set up his whole computer ready for use. He was only hard to get rid of and insulted me spitefully because I wasn't prepared to send him an unpaid, working technician from Austria to Brazil.

hi, I want more advise on buying a laptop , right now the 2 options I'm looking at are 1. Alienware Area 51 m15x. or 2. Sager NP8662 (Built on Clevo M860TU) from xoticpc.com. I'm a university student studying electromecanics engineering, Love Anime, Movies , and Games (Crysis, Dawn of war2..etc.). my buget is $2100. Please help, pros and cons plus recomendations. thank you“
Actually, we hadn't literally ruled out a purchase consultation, but no, we didn't want to scrutinize the differences between a certain Alienware and Sager laptop, as we have never tested a Sager. This can be easily found out, in hunting for Sager in our reviews with the browser search function.

„Hii Team, I have planned to buy inspiron 13 inch - P8600 2.4GHZ with 512 MB ATI Mobility Radeon HD 4330. When i check for the ATI radeon 4330 it was listed at the lower end. does a 512 MB graphic card would suffer to load games like crysis? could you please update me or provide a phone number to reach you to get the details.. Many thanks in advance. Brgds„
Hence, we should give information via telephone, rather than that he reads our graphic card comparison and benchmark list. That doesn't sound very attractive to us.

„i want to buy A33i battery and i don't know where to buy in saudi arabia im here in saudi arabia please help me. Best Regards:“
Well, old man Yussuf sells Toshiba laptops in the Central Bazaar of the 12th City District in Mecca. Where I have my information from? We know every battery shop in the world as we've already clarified in "Battery Shops in Lesotho".

„my toshiba portege m400 need to change (after verify) the below part: -Keypad
where i can buy this part in malaysia...“
I believe, old man Yussuf from Mecca also has a subsidiary in Malaysia…

„where can I notebook graphic card in Turkey?“
There wasn't any note about which graphic card he needs. I can usually only answer such inquiries with: we can't do anything but google, either.

Actually, most of the quoted mails would fit in this category.

„welcher ist denn der beste“
Translation: "Which is really the best". No, nothing further. To be fair, we have to state that this message was sent in over a special input field at the end of comparison of graphic cards.

„I want a good Notebook for gaming
the max price : 1100 euro
thanks“
That's almost the same as if I were to send following message to a car magazine: "I want a good car around 20,000 in order to drive fast."

„goedendag
ik zou graag willen weten of de ATI Mobility Radeon HD 3450 geschikt is om spellen te spelen met 3D zoals football manager 2009?...“
He wants to know, if he can play Football Manager 2009 with this graphic card. It might be helpful to look around on Notebookcheck, but it's probably more work than sending a mail.

como tratbalhar? qual o procedimento? seria uma assistência para notbooks se for tenho muito enterese. agardo retorno.
Translation: "How work? How matter of course? I could be of help for notebooks because I have much interest. Await answer." Usually, even name is omitted in such applications. By the way, I am always especially amused, when short employment inquiries for editorial jobs are spiced with numerous typos. In this case, this person wasn't even able to spell "work" correctly!

„i want job from you!“
It was merely a nick name with a mail address included. He has probably learnt his well-considered application strategy in a 2-semester seminar on "how do I apply for a job right". What should I say, I was really impressed.

Please inform me price per world for translation in Turkish from English . Best Regards“
Sometimes English translators apply, whose English is even more dreadful than this, garnished with a lot of typos. After all, you won't want to make an overqualified impression.

„ich habe den dell bei Ihnen oder Sie sind nicht bei dell. hier mein auftrag:
- Bestellnummer:647282206
- Geplantes Lieferdatum:24/04/2009
ich möchte die antwort von Ihnen,oder Sie finden sich nicht verantworlich für mich.
ich habe die dellseite aufgesucht.
M.f.G.„
Translation: "I have the Dell by you or you are not the Dell. Here my order:
- Order number: 647282206
- Planed delivery date: 2009/04/24
I would like the answer from you or you think yourself not responsible for me.
I've looked at the dell site.
Best regards"
Whatever he really wants "I think myself not responsible"

„increased ecosystems found running model include“
Nope. That's all folks.

„hi do this graphics card matched with dell vostro 1500..???“
Even if we're indifferent to this, it would have been helpful to know which graphic card is meant.

„there is Dell Latitude 2100 netbook in Istanbul shoppıng buy.! good-by„
Okay, and further?

„asus m60j“
Please, not so much information at once.

„vcs poderiam avaliar o toshiba qosmio. Obrigado“
There aren't only hundreds of different Toshiba Qosimio models in the world; we will of course test all of them. Therefore, it's not at all necessary to get more specific.

„HP HDX 16-1160US“
Typing on a keyboard must be very taxing.

„CARREGADOR DELL INSPIRION 1525“
Translation: "Driver Dell Inspirion 1525" ... and?

„i just wanna know the configuration of it“
"it"? That thing from outer space? The ultimate answer to life, universe and the whole lot? A homogeneous theory of astrophysics and quantum mechanics?

„need help please asus z81sp“
Yeah, I am very sure that he needs help.

„asistencia tehnica en esp direcsion adres por favor“
A riddle for the Spanish fans among us: This message replaces missing grammar with contractions and typos. Translation: "Technical help in Spanish, address please". His mail address wasn't included, otherwise I would have really, really helped him, for sure.

„none“
A highly interesting, philosophical message of a confessing nihilist, who has allowed me a fundamental view into his world of ideas.

This mail is herald of the sea of those senseless messages that reach us every day and represents an adequate final word.